Go away from yourself, and what you need will return.I woke at about 5am on Monday morning with an "I need to refresh my life" kind of attitude. So, I crawled out of bed, got my running gear on and went for a short 6 k run to try and beat the feeling. I really look forward to my runs: This is my quiet time. This is the time where I let my mind go and just "be", and it is also the place where some of my best ideas come from. But, no matter how hard I tried that morning, I just couldn't shake the feeling of being trapped in an attitude that I didn't want."Help... I've fallen and I can't get up"... kept cycling around in my brain as a cadence that I ran to. I then found myself starting to blame my results and actions on circumstances that had been happening and on other people as well. I was really working up a good head of "poor me" steam. I don't suppose you've ever found yourself in that kind of attitude where you think that your problems are caused by everyone and everything else, except you, so take it from me, it wasn't pleasant. When I finished my run, I seemed to be more worked up than I was before I went out. I did have enough focus of mind to know that my subconscious was trying to work something out, so I did what I always do when I am trying to work out a problem; I got out my journal and just let my pencil write what it wanted to write; no conscious thinking or forcing my ideas out, just automatic writing. I can tell you that what came out of my pencil was an awakening to me. The last line that I wrote on the page before I closed the book reads: "I don't have to look any further than in the mirror to see what is causing my discomfort. It is me. Selfishness is my problem"By this time it was 6:30 am, so I decided to turn on the TV to catch some early morning news. As the TV warmed up and came to life, Dr. Creflo Dollar was on and he looked like he had a full head of steam going in the message he was giving. Then he paused, looked right into the camera and said "I have never seen a selfish man become successful." Chills ran down my spine, and every hair on my body stood straight up. This message, by a pastor in Georgia which had probably been recorded a few weeks ago, was recorded specifically for me. I felt it. I knew it. I needed it.Then he let go with both barrels. "Overcoming selfishness is done by having a consciousness of what is really important. All of your troubles have been caused by being selfish and putting your own needs before the needs of others. As a matter of fact, every marriage or every business or any relationship that has ever been broken has been broken by either one or both people being selfish in their needs, and not willing to be flexible with the other person."He was speaking my language! I connected to that message like none that I had ever heard before. What I heard him saying to me was "To get rid of most of your troubles, you need to get your own ego out of the way, and stop being selfish". That was it! To get rid of my negative feelings and attitudes, I needed to stop trying to have it all my way, and actually look for ways to serve the other person... no matter who it was or what they wanted. I know that some people see this as a sign of weakness, but to me, being a servant leader is all about having the confidence to not worry what other people think of you and just do the right thing. In his book "The Servant Leader", Ken Blanchard says "Pride and fear always generate unhealthy judgments about our own condition based on the successes or failures of others. Pride and fear always distort the truth into either a false sense of security or a lack of confidence and diminished self-worth. Taking the time to identify your fears and sources of false pride is a vital step to breaking their negative impact on all your relationships and your effectiveness as a leader"Quality of life, no matter which way you slice it, is all about the quality of your relationships. It's not about how much you can buy them for Christmas, and it's not about having to buy them something because they got you something. It is about how you make the other person feel in the relationship. And a kind, genuine word of praise or acceptance is always more important to people than something wrapped in gift paper. I have seen many Christmases' over the years (47 of them to be exact), and I have been given many gifts which I have been very grateful for, but I'm sorry to say, many of them I have forgotten. But do you know what I haven't forgotten? Yes, that's right, the compliments and kind words that people have spoken to me that have made me feel important. If you want to give a priceless gift to someone, tell them in a genuine, heartfelt way how much they make a difference to you, and how much you value their company: Give them a piece of your heart rather that a piece of your mind.This week, if you are feeling a little frustrated in some of your relationships and you are searching for a way to repair them, you may want to ask yourself "Am I feeling this way because I want things my own way, or is there something else that I can do or say to tell this person how much I value them?" You see, if you do even the minimum effort to selflessly solve someone else's need, the universe will reward you with the maximum.Make this your best week ever!Paul
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